The Pitfalls of Privilege: Raising Teens in a Culture of Excess

By Vania C. Matheus, MA, MS
V. Matheus Consulting

“He has everything… and still seems so unhappy.”
“She doesn’t appreciate any of it.”
“We didn’t raise them like this—what happened?”

If you’re a parent in an affluent community today, you may recognize the silent epidemic creeping into many homes: entitlement, disconnection, and dissatisfaction in the midst of abundance.

You've worked hard. You’ve built a life you’re proud of. And you’ve done everything in your power to give your kids a solid foundation. But somewhere along the way, your teen lost their spark—or never fully developed one.

Parents tell me they feel more like vending machines than mentors. That their child has the latest iPhone, designer clothes, and top-tier opportunities, yet seems anxious, aimless, or emotionally flat. The question I hear most often is:

“How did we get here?”

When Comfort Undermines Character

Today’s teens are growing up in an environment of unprecedented convenience—where instant gratification is the norm and the line between want and need has blurred.

Many parents I work with describe:

• Brand-name clothing worn once, then discarded

• Teens unable (or unwilling) to do basic chores

• A lack of emotional resilience or intrinsic motivation

• Persistent anxiety despite a seemingly “ideal” life

This isn’t a moral failure. It’s a developmental mismatch. Kids who don’t have to work for anything often struggle to develop a sense of self, purpose, or grit. But there are ways to reverse this dynamic—and they begin at home.

Practical Steps to Rebalance Privilege

Here are five evidence-based, real-world strategies I share with families to help teens recalibrate their relationship with work, self-worth, and ownership:

1. Clarify Needs vs. Wants—and Communicate Upfront

Set limits before the ask. Teens function better with structure and consistency.

Define what you’re willing to pay for (e.g., sports gear, school supplies, necessary tech) and what falls under the “wants” category (e.g., games, trendy fashion, non-essential gadgets). Create a monthly budget and involve your teen in prioritizing their spending.

One 11-year-old I worked with said it best:

“My parents should buy what I need for sports. But not everything I want—especially if I just keep bugging them.”

2. Facilitate Earning Opportunities

Jobs are harder to come by for teens these days, but that doesn’t mean they can’t work.

Encourage informal jobs: babysitting, tutoring, yard work, tech help. If your family uses housecleaners or landscapers, pause the service for a week and offer your teen a chance to take over—for pay.

One client, a teen who previously threatened to sell marijuana to get what he wanted, eventually got a job at In-N-Out. A few months later, he told me:

“Yeah, I was such a jerk. But earning my own money changed everything.”

3. Limit Passive Screen Time—And Offer Alternatives

A large portion of today’s entitlement and disconnection stems from unchecked screen use. Parents often spend more on tech to pacify behavior, but it only deepens the problem.

Instead, clarify what “unstructured time” should look like. Offer simple, no-cost alternatives:

• Cooking a meal together

• Volunteering as a family

• Going for a hike or walk without devices

You may get eye rolls at first. Keep going. Over time, structure becomes grounding.

4. Model Simplicity and Gratitude

Teens mirror what they see. If parents are constantly consuming, upgrading, or dismissing small gestures, kids internalize that too.

One Bay Area family I worked with decided to restrict purchases for six months. They used what they had. They wrote thank-you cards. They began a weekly gratitude dinner—yes, complete with eyerolls that eventually gave way to conversation.

Over time, the family noticed a change in tone, appreciation, and even sibling dynamics.

5. Say a Clear “No”—and Let It Stand

Learning to say no (and mean it) is uncomfortable—but essential.

Your teen may have excellent reasons for why they “need” the latest thing. Stand your ground. Try:

“You already have enough.”
“I’d like you to focus on what you already own.”
“No—for now.”

Boundaries aren’t punishment. They’re training in resilience, patience, and gratitude.

Final Thought: Privilege Isn’t the Problem—Unconscious Privilege Is

Raising teens in abundance is not inherently harmful. The harm comes when entitlement replaces effort, and when access replaces appreciation.

What your teen really wants (even if they don’t know it yet) is to feel capable, worthy, and grounded in who they are—not just what they have.

Helping them get there might mean saying no more often. Or stepping back from rescue mode. Or letting them struggle a bit.

But the payoff? A young person who earns their confidence—and knows who they are, with or without the latest upgrade.

V. Matheus Consulting helps families recalibrate parenting strategies to meet the real emotional needs of teens today. If you're navigating entitlement, overwhelm, or disconnection in your household, you don’t have to go it alone.

Contact us to learn more about how we support families through therapeutic placements, parent coaching, and long-term educational planning.